PortEd
by rcmero
Summary: Edd is a test subject at Aperture Science and Ed and Eddy must save him. This is my first fanfic. Rewritten with help from Yoshermon.
1. Welcome to Aperture Science

This is my first fanfic here on . It's somewhat of a Portal/EEnE crossover.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Portal or Ed, Edd n Eddy. Valve and Danny Antonucci do.

**Chapter 1**

_"Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided Enrichment Center."_

Edd woke up from a surprisingly comfortable sleep only to hit his head on something. He opened his eyes to see glass in front of his face. A second later it pulled back quickly and allowed him to sit up. Edd looked around to find he was in a room almost entirely madeof glass. He got out of the bed--which looked like some kind of pod-- and looked around. His eyes widened as he noticed the room had no door. The room--save for the metal floor and a thin strip of concrete going up the wall just a little wider than a person--was completely solid with no sort of exit to be seen. On the outside of the glass was a slightly larger room with a large, circular door on one side. Although Edd did notice a long screen outside the chamber with numbers gradually counting down seconds.

_"We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one."_

The voice was definitely female but sounded strange; Edd figured it was some kind of computerized voice program.

"Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper."

"Processed?" Edd thought to himself. "Why was I processed?"

"Stand back. The portal will open in 3... 2... 1."

Edd saw the numbers on the screen match the strange voice with perfect timing. As they reached zero, a strange sound alerted Edd to the concrete strip.  
"What on Earth??" Edd thought to himself as he stared at the strange anomaly in front of him. On the wall was an ellipse, about as tall as Edd was and wide enough to fit through. It bordered by a strange, solid-orange glow that fluctuated slowly. What he saw inside the strange hole surprised Edd even more. He saw himself, inside the glass room looking at the orange "portal" from the side. Turning his head, Edd noticed there was a blue "portal" on the wall to his right. Inside that showed Edd looking at something to his right.  
"Is this...possible?" he said to himself nervously as he turned his attention back to the orange portal.  
"One way to find out, I suppose." He slowly put his hand through the orange portal and watched the Edd in the blue portal simotaniously stick his hand out toward the outside of the relaxation vault. Edd felt like his hand was was detached from him but it was still being held up to his arm by some unknown force. It didn't hurt exactly, but Edd didn't exactly consider the sensation pleasureable. Edd cautiously stuck his arm further into the portal until he reached his torso. He watched the Edd inside the relaxation vault slowly disappear into the orange void as he pushed himself out of the blue one. Once he had fit his whole body through, he was out of the relaxation vault. As he walked towards the circular door, the strange voice spoke again.

_"Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from-"_ All that came after was a few seconds of static noise. This worried Edd a little, but he carried on and went through the automatic door.

* * *

"Hey Monobrow! You seen Double-D at all?" Eddy asked his friend as they met up at the cul-de-sac.  
"Nope." Ed replied in his usual dim-witted manner. Eddy grumbled at the absence of his friend from their routine of trying to swindle the neighborhood kids out of their money.  
"Where do you think he his?" Ed asked.  
"How the heck should I know Ed? Let's check his room, he always tells his parents if he goes somewhere." Eddy replied. They made their way up to their friends' house. Having no regrets about kicking down Edd's front door and tracking dirt into his otherwise pristine house, Ed and Eddy went up to Edd's door where they found a sticky note on it.

_"Dear Mother and Father,  
I have been invited to The Aperture Science Enrichment Center to test out their latest invention. I have no information about what it is but it sounds like a magnificent opportunity to fill my head with wonderful scientific knowledge and talk with real professionals on the subject.  
Love,  
Eddward."_

"How typical. What are we supposed to do without Double-D?" Eddy retorted as he cast aside the note. It landed on Ed's shoe, the backside revealing more writing.  
"Hey Eddy, look at this!" Ed shouted as he pulled Eddy next to him and shoved the backside of the note in his face. Shoving Ed out of the way, Eddy looked at it and his eyes lit up.  
"Hey, this address isn't too far from Peach-Creek! Come on, Ed, we ain't got time to lose!" Eddy grabbed Ed and they raced towards the bus stop near the candy store.


	2. ASHPD

**Port-Ed Chapter 2  
Created by rcmero  
Heavily edited by Yoshermon**

Edd stumbled as he went through the door. He hadn't noticed until then that he'd been walking on his toes without any shoes or socks since he woke up. He looked down and saw a flat metal bar protruding from each of his his pant legs, curving under his heels and forcing him on his toes.  
He pulled the leg of his orange jumpsuit up and saw the bars were attached to metal bands connected to Edd's knees. He fiddled with it for a while and found there was no way to get it off; pulling on it in any direction felt like Edd was pulling on his knee directly.  
"Is this.....good lord! They never said anything about knee implants!" he shouted to no-one. He felt sore in the knees when he woke up but he was to dumbfounded by the discovery of portals to take notice of the surgical implants. Walking was a bit strange but his knees were well supported by the bars under his feet and Edd would feel a delightful springing action help lift each foot up for the next step.  
Edd went onward through the circular door to find someone to talk to, but what he found was a button. A very large, red button was sitting on the ground in the room in front of him. Edd cautiously walked onto it and felt the button press down under his weight. Another circular door in the room opened up and a screen next to it displayed a large checkmark. When Edd stepped off of the button to get to the door, it immediately closed and the check mark turned into an X. Just then he heard a thud. Near the door was a large, metal box about a meter in length. Above it was a circular tube going into the ceiling with a hatch covering up the end. Edd could see another cube falling down on top of the hatch in the tube. Edd picked up the box--more accurately, he _dragged_ it along the floor because of how heavy it was--and placed it on top of the button. The door opened once again and Edd went through.

_- Excellent. Please proceed to the chamber lock after completing each test. First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the chamber lock. This particle field will vaporize any unauthorized materials - for instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube._

Edd looked in front of him to see the incandescent particle field in front of a spherical elevator. The field had hundreds of glowing blue particles zipping between two protrusions from the the short hallway in front of the elevator. Edd felt a tingle surge through his body as he passed through it and entered the elevator. The door closed and Edd stumbled as a sudden jerking motion signaled he was going upward.

* * *

"Fine! Throw us off! When I get rich and famous you'll never work in this town again!" Eddy screamed as the bus sped off. In his excitement to ruin Edd's fun he had forgotten that buses require money.  
"Well Ed, I guess you're walkin'." Eddy said as he hopped up on Ed's shoulder. He pointed the way and Ed ran down the sidewalk towards the Enrichment Center.

* * *

Edd was making quick progress through the tests. Once the elevator stopped, he found himself on a ledge a meter and a half off of the ground. There were no stairs or a ladder to be seen. Edd crept up to it intending to climb down slowly but instead his foot slipped and he fell feet first onto the ground below. Strangely though, the usual jolt of pain sent up Edd's legs when he fell any distance was gone. The delightful springing sensation that helped Edd walk also acted as a shock absorber, Edd figured.  
He looked at the room he was in. He in one of four rooms completely sealed off from each other by glass walls. Only the concrete strip with the slight protrusions on either side indicating a portal will appear were found in either room. In the room Edd was in, an orange portal occupied the strip as the portal openings in the other rooms took turns opening a blue portal.  
_"Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the 1500 megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-colliding Super-button."_  
Edd, seeing a so-called Weighted Storage Cube in one room, the Super-colliding Super-button (which was just like the button in the previous room) in another and a door in the last room, he immediately knew what to do. When the room with the cube opened up a blue portal,  
Edd quickly ran through it and took the cube back into the starting room (well, he had to wait until the portal reappeared since he couldn't actually lift the cube). He waited for the blue portal to open up in the button room and quickly (once again dragging the heavy box) set it on the button.  
_"Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamber-lock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test."_  
Edd raised an eyebrow at the strangeness of the sudden comment, but just ignored it and focused on the task at hand.  
Going back to the starting room again, the blue portal opened up in the door room and Edd quickly dashed through the orange one to get there.  
The door was open and Edd casually passed through.

After another elevator ride, Edd found himself in a room with a large pane of glass overlooking the test chamber in front of him. In the center of the room, Edd saw a thin pedestal holding up a strange, gun-like device. It turned 90 degrees and shot a fast, blue orb-shaped energy that turned into a blue portal upon contact with the wall. Edd saw it turn again and shoot another blue portal, the previous one disappearing.  
_"You're doing very well. Please be advised that a noticable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grille, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."_  
Edd was starting to get annoyed at the strange and somewhat disturbing comments the computer was making, but there was nothing he could do about them. The door leading into the chamber opened up and Edd picked the gun up off of the pedestal.  
"This must be the invention Aperture wanted me to try out."


	3. Energy balls

**Chapter 3**

"Here Ed, heeeere Ed, come on boy!" Eddy joked impatiently as he looked around the block to find his friend. "Stupid tree branch," he muttered to himself as he walked down the sidewalk. He walked forward until he found Ed, standing still with his head cocked upwards. "There ya are, Lumpy! What're ya--"  
"A-per-t-ture Science," Ed stuttered as he tried to make out the words on the sign pointing north.  
"What?" Eddy said as he squinted, having trouble reading the large word for himself.  
"Double-D!!" Ed shouted as he remembered Edd was there. He grabbed Eddy by his hairs (painfully) and they ran down the road the large building ahead. They scurried under the parking lot's toll booth arm--the small hut holding the arm ominously quiet--and ran down the parking lot to the large building in ahead. _

* * *

"Very good. You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With it, you can create your own portals."_

Edd couldn't find the words to describe his excitement other the discovery of the device. It resembled a strange gun with three thick cords going down the tube that marked the barrel for the device. Near the end of the tube were three prong-like protrusions that extended a little past the end of the gun. The end of the barrel glowed a healthy blue as Edd held it. It was a little heavy--Edd had to support it with one hand while holding the trigger with the other--but it fit over his right hand almost like a glove. Inside, Edd felt a thin bar where he could wrap his fingers around and a ring to slip his thumb through. On the bar he could feel a place that could be pressed down. A sudden burst nearly knocked Edd over as the device shot a blue circular energy at the floor. Upon collision a blue portal opened up on the ground.

_These inter-dimensional gates have proven to be completely safe. The device, however, has not. Do not touch the operational end of the device. Do not look directly at the operational end of the device. Do not submerge the device in liquid, even partially. Most importantly, under no circumstances should you-"_

Once again, a few sparks from the ceiling and static were all that came after. Edd was a little shocked, not knowing what he should under no circumstances do to his gun or what will happen if he does do it. Whatever it is.  
Edd noticed an orange portal on the wall of a higher platform. He looked at the blue portal he made on the ground.  
"Is this....I wonder....." he said to himself as he walked up to the interdimensional gateway. He had gotten used to trying new things out despite the risk they might pose. He jumped feet first into the portal and felt a sudden wave of nausea wash over him as gravity turned 90 degrees. He landed backside-first on the floor with a soft "plop".  
"That's going to take some getting used to," he said as he looked back into the orange portal. He could see the ceiling through it and decided to go back through. He ran towards the orange portal and felt another sickening feeling of gravity changing around him. He rose above the blue portal a few feet, then fell back down thrusting him back through the orange portal and off of the platform. Luckily, he reoriented himself at the last second and landed on his feet, his implants or "heel springs" as he decided to call them, breaking his fall.  
"Amazing! Momentum must be conserved when passing through these things!" he shouted to himself. The excitement of scientific discovery, pleasant as it was, didn't mix very well with the confusion of the whole trial and the frustration over the strange remarks of the computerized voice. Wanting to test the device out more, Edd gave himself a few minutes of target practice with the Handheld Portal Device and made his way the next part of the room.

_"Please proceed to the chamber-lock. Mind the gap."_

Edd smiled uncharacteristically as he saw what was ahead of him. A large gap in the floor too long to jump separated Edd from the next platform, which had an orange portal on the wall above it. Edd shot a blue portal on the wall (preferring portals on the wall over floor portals giving him that sickly change of gravity) and cleared the gap without even going near it. Shooting a blue portal on the wall near the chamber exit, he cleared the next gap as easily as the first. As he walked through the Emancipation Grille, he felt the usual tingle wash over him but his Portal Device shook a little as well. Edd noticed the blue portal he had placed disappear.

_"Well done. Remember, the Aperture Science 'Bring your son to work' day is the perfect time to have him tested."_

Edd simply ignored the remark--it wasn't the first strange thing the computer said during the course of the test. And his father didn't work at Aperture Science an way.  
Edd was going through the tests quickly--solving puzzles with Weighted Storage Cubes and Super-Colliding Super-Buttons was easy with the Portal Device. Edd quickly found out that pulling down on the thumb ring of the device would trigger the three prongs, causing them to suspend whatever is near them in midair in front of the device. Edd used this anti-gravity mechanism to lift up the cubes with ease. After a few test chambers, he got to chamber 06.

_"While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High-Energy Pellets seen to the left of the chamber can and have caused permanent disabilities, such as vapourisation. Please be careful."_

Edd had grown accustomed to the strange words of the computerized voice and rarely heeded them. That is, until he was nearly vaporized. His attention had been focused on an orange portal in the floor. Without a blue counterpart, the inside of the portal was filled in with an orange light that fluctuated slightly like the rim. However, something coming from the ceiling and bouncing off of the portal brought Edd abruptly to his senses as he looked up. Coming from a strange mechanism on the ceiling, what appeared to be a green ball of pure energy was bouncing between the end of the mechanism and the solid orange portal on the floor.  
"I guess touching it means game over." Edd said to himself as he looked around the room. Directly next to the orange portal was another mechanism that looked like some sort of catchment. Edd went on a hunch and opened a blue portal on the ceiling above it, watching the High Energy Pellet fall through the floor and out of the blue portal. It landed in the catchment and Edd stood back as the middle started buzzing with energy. A platform at the end of the room rose up a little, leading to the edge containing then exit to the chamber.  
"No one ever told me these tests would be _dangerous_!" he muttered angrily as he headed to the next test.

_"Unbelievable. You, **[subject name here]**, must be the pride of **[subject hometown here]**!"_

Edd once again ignored the strange remark. After completing the seventh test chamber, he noticed a pane of glass high up in the room that was rippled so he couldn't see clearly inside it. However, Edd could make out the blurry appearance of chairs and desks, but no spectators observing him.  
"I do not like where this is going," he whispered to himself. "Not at all."

* * *

"So this is where Double-D is?" Eddy shouted as he looked around. The front entrance of the building led to a large room with a service desk in the center. Everything was white as snow and looked as if it was sterilized twice a day--as if it was run by Double-Ds, in Ed's terms. Eddy walked up to the desk but saw no one behind it.  
"Hello? Anybody here?" he shouted.  
_"Welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. My name is GLaDOS. We are very pleased to have new test subjects and hope they may pass with flying colors."  
_"What the heck was that?!" Eddy asked as one of the many doors surrounding the room opened up.  
"It's the disembodied she voice from the planet-"  
"Shut it, Ed!" Eddy interrupted.  
_"Please proceed to the testing preparation center. Cake will be served after-"  
_"Cake!"  
"Shut up, Ed!"  
_"-and we are all as excited as you are to pass."  
_Without anything but cake in his mind, Ed grabbed Eddy and ran into the room ahead. The door closed abruptly behind the two as they entered and Ed stopped dead in his tracks.  
"What the heck? This room's empty!" Eddy shouted as he freed himself from Ed's grip. The room was indeed empty; save for the dart gun mounted on the ceiling pointed at them.  
"What a load of-" Eddy was cut off as he let out a sudden yelp.  
"Eddy, what's wro-" Ed too stopped when the dart hit the back of his neck. Eddy fell to the ground and lost consciousness while Ed stumbled around in the room.  
"Eddy, I-" he was once again cut off as another dart hit him square in the arm. After a few minutes of stumbling around dumbly, Ed finally fell face-first to the ground with a battalion of darts stuck in his backside.


	4. Escape

**Chapter 4**

_"The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."_

Edd was putting his quick thinking skills to good use. Seeing the second Portal Device in the middle of the room automatically firing orange portals at certain locations, he looked around and saw what he had to do. Acting quickly, he pushed down the small button on the pedestal to open up the door, a ticking sound emanating from the button indicating the door would only be open for a short time. Edd shot his blue portal through it into the next room and the door subsequently closed behind it. He waited for the second Portal Device to turn his direction, opening up an orange portal in the wall behind him. Edd went through it and found the room with the energy ball bouncing between the launcher and the wall in front of it, leaving a slight burn mark where it hit the concrete. Edd opened a blue portal at that mark and watched the energy ball go through it, coming into the main room and hitting the catchment dead on. The platform in front of the second Portal Device started to slowly move towards the wall containing the newly-opened orange portal. The second Portal Device -which was on a pillar of ground above a pit of a dark, sickly brown liquid that Edd would rather not want to fall into - started to turn and was about to fire again. Edd quickly jumped through it onto the platform right before the orange portal was relocated to the other side of the room. He rode the platform until he got to the second Portal Device. To Edd's surprise, it jumped off of the rotating pedestal it was resting on and somehow merged with the Portal Device Edd was carrying. Deciding that questioning the logic and possibility of it was pointless, Edd simply examined his upgraded gun.

"_The device has been modified so it can now manufacture two different portals at once."_

Edd found that the handle he wrapped his fingers around now contained two buttons instead of one large one. He pressed down on the first one with his forefinger and middle finger and the device shot a blue portal at the wall. Pressing the second button with his ring finger and pinkie fired an orange portal next to the blue one.

"_As an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact. The device is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in __**[subject hometown here]**_."

Ignoring the last part,Edd pressed the button that appeared when he upgraded the device and a door high up in the room opened for a few seconds before closing abruptly. Edd pressed the button again and shot a blue portal on the wall behind the door before it closed again. Hopping back onto the moving platform, he shot an orange portal into the wall in front of the platform and went through.

* * *

Eddy grunted as he felt a cold, smooth surface bump into his face as he woke up.  
_"Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper."  
_The glass of the pod slid back and Eddy sat up in the relaxation vault. Eddy felt strange breathing in the fresh air and suddenly looked down to see Ed crammed in the pod. Eddy jumped up in disgust and wiped off the Ed-germs on his clothes.  
_"Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the Enrichment Center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from..."  
_Once again, sparks came from the ceiling as the lights flickered and static covered the last part of the sentence before recovering.  
"Stupid computer-lady-thing," Eddy mumbled to himself as he looked around. "...What the? Where the heck is the door? And why is there a toilet in the middle of a glass room?!" Eddy shouted as he looked around franticly for some kind of opening.  
_"...stand back. The portal will open in 3...2...1..."_  
Eddy jumped as he saw an orange portal emerge from the concrete strip. In it, he saw the room he and Ed -who was just waking up - were in from the side. Going through the same fear and curiosity Edd went through, Eddy slowly started to stick his hand through the portal. It felt strange; it was as if his hand was cut off, but still held up to his arm by some-  
"Cool!" Ed shouted as he rammed Eddy through the portal. He heard a thump on the glass next to him to see a cartoonishly-flattened Eddy plastered to the outside of the relaxation vault.  
"How did you get out there, Eddy?" Ed asked before turning his attention to the orange portal.  
"Huh? There are two Eddys?" he said, his head darting between the Eddy on the glass and the Eddy through the orange hole in the wall before going through the portal himself.  
"I come in peace, Eddy number two!" Ed shouted as he peeled Eddy off of the glass.  
"It's still me you idiot!" Eddy shouted, his body slowly reinflating to its original shape. They looked at the orange and blue portals and took a minute to figure out what they did. After going through them and back, the boys figured the basic concept of portals and headed to the large, circular door on the other end of the room.

* * *

_"Please __proceed to the first testing ar-" _The voice, apparently called GLaDOS as Eddy found out, was cut off once again. Ed and Eddy jumped as they saw part of the wall start to protrude outward on a hydraulic arm, blocking the door in front of them.  
"What the heck?" Eddy said as he inspected the arm. He looked at where the wall once was to find an opening. The other end of the hydraulic arm was in there, bathed in an eerie red light. Eddy peeked in and saw more hydraulic arms attached to the other segments of wall and a regular door on one end of the opening. Ed and Eddy looked at each other, shrugged, and went through the door away from the first test chamber.


	5. WCC

**Port-Ed Chapter 5  
Created by rcmero  
Edited by Yoshermon**

"These people are insane!!" Edd shouted to himself as he dodged the gunfire. He quickly opened up a portal above the menace and shot one under a Weighted Storage Cube, causing it to fall over and deactivate. Breathing heavily, Edd peered out from behind the wall only to be noticed and shot at once more.  
"Building military androids to replace soldiers I can understand, and running them through a test course I can understand as well, but why do _I_ have to go through it?!? he thought to himself. It was true; GLaDOS had put him through a test chamber for military andriods, stating that the intended test chamber was broken.  
"And whoever designed these turret 'buddies' must've been crazier than Ed!"  
Ed looked through a large pane of glass in the room at the turret "buddies" ahead. They were ovular-shaped, standing on three stationary legs with a red lense acting as an eye for them to find a victim. Edd merely thought they were harmless, especially when one saw him and said _"hello" _in a friendly voice. However, when its sides moved out to reveal four machine gun barrels that started to open fire on Edd, he quickly thought otherwise. However, he found he could disable the turrets by knocking them down, either by pushing them or dropping a heavy object on top of their round bodies. Edd was nicked a couple of times with the bullets, but the turrets didn't have a very sophisticated targeting system and simply pointed their guns in the direction of the victim.  
Edd crouched down beneath a Storage Cube and slowly went in front of the turret buddy down the hall.  
_"I see you!" _it happily chimed as it started to shoot. Luckily, the cube's weight was made up for by being three feet of solid metal Edd used to sheild himself from the bullets. He made his way quickly towards the turret and shoved the cube at it, knocking it over. It shot wildly in as many directions as it could aim before deactivating on the ground, its glowing red eye fading into a dark gray. Edd turned to reuse his strategy on another turret across the room when something caught his attention. Still crouching behind the safety of his cube, Edd crawled through the inconspicuous doorway to find a room inside of the larger on he was in. In it was a large pile of Weighted Storage Cubes, the cube dispenser above them apparently broken. Edd, partly out of spite for his "guide" throughout the tests, used the extra cubes to his advantage. Placing portals above the turrets (which, for some reason, were marked with X's) he dropped the cubes one at a time at each of the turrets. He made his way to the end of the level and let out a sigh of relief.  
"If I wasn't so facinated by the inventions and scientific miracles I've witnessed I'd sue this place into next week!" he remarked as he went into the elevator.  
_"Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that Android Hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance."  
_Although Edd figured that was just an automatic response, it disturbed him greatly.

"_The Vital Apparatus Vent will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in 3… 2… 1."  
_Edd noticed a cube drop down from the dispenser at the beginning of testchamber 17. Upon closer inspection, the cube had a slightly different color scheme then the others. Also, regular Weighted Storage Cubes had an Aperture Science logo on each of the cube's faces. This cube had a big red heart on each side instead.  
"_This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it."_

* * *

Ed and Eddy were having the time of their lives. After exploring the dark, rusty and suspiciously empty backrooms of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, they came across a storage room stocked with Aperture Science Handheld Portal Devices, or just portal guns as Eddy called them.  
"Eddy, look at this!" Ed shouted as he put portals above and beneath him, causing him to fall from ceiling to floor repeatedly. Eddy shot a portal at the one on on the floor Ed made, causing it to close. Ed landed hard on his feet and made a loud thump that echoed throughout the empty halls.  
"It didn't hurt a bit Eddy!" he mocked, showing off his heel-spring implants.  
"Oh yea? Try it again, on your head this time!" Eddy said as he "portaled" behind Ed and tackled him. After exploring some more (breaking a few miscalanious objects in the process), they came to one end of a long hallway.  
"Race ya!" Eddy shouted as he and Ed quickly placed blue portals on the floor and orange portals on the low ceiling above them. They jumped in and fell, pointing their legs together and putting their arms to their sides to pick up as much speed as possible. They faced the wall in front of them and shot orange portals at it. As they fell through the blue portals on the floor with the speed they gained, they rocketed out of the orange portals and high speed and wizzed down the hallway in midair.  
"WAIT!!!" Ed shouted, stopping in midair like a cartoon and grabbing Eddy as he wizzed by.  
"What about Double-D?" He said as reality came back and he and Eddy plopped onto the floor.  
"Oh yea, I forgot! Double-D would go crazy for scientific stuff like this!" Eddy shouted as he and Ed continued their race to find Edd first.

* * *

"_The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive and hallucinations."  
_Edd quickly realized the usefulness of his Weighted Companion Cube as soon as he went into the next room of the test. Early on, Edd found out he couldn't place portals on metal surfaces, of which were increasingly strategicly placed throughout the test chambers to add to the challenge and keep Edd from simply "portaling" his way past every obstical. And since the entire hallway he was walking through was made of metal, he was glad that his Companion Cube repelled the energy balls that were slowly coming towards him. After going through another hall, using his Companion Cube again to deflect the energy ball boucing to and fro in it, he came across the main part of the test chamber. On one side he found an inlet covered in metal with a passage to another part of the test elevated above his reach. Edd also took notice of the three platforms on the ground next to it as well as multiple catchments for energy balls. Edd quickly found solutions to the numerous puzzels involved in getting the energy balls into the catchments, ranging from using his cube to deflect the ball into it to using his companion to weight down buttons to open the door blocking the ball's path. As each catchment was activated a platform would rise and become another stepping-stone to the inlet, which Edd assumed was the exit to the chamber.  
"_The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you, and in fact, cannot speak."  
_Edd was getting increasingly annoyed at the voice's comments and made a mental note to complain about them once the test was over. Before he got onto the ledge where he could jump to the platforms, Edd noticed something strange near the middle of the room. A section of wall protruded outward into the room an a large hydraulic arm. Edd could see a small room behind it and used a portal to get into it. In the small room behind the wall, Edd made a face of discust as he saw various bottles, cans and other rubbish strewn all over the floor. He looked at one of the walls and saw disturbing writing all over it.

_"The Vital Apparatus vent will deliver, oh it will WILL. The weighted companion cube DOES speak. Superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. I'm not hallucinating. You are. The companion cube would never desert me. Dessert. So long... Cake, ha ha Cake. A lie. The companion cube would never lie to me. NEVER."  
"Login: cjohnson Password: tier3"  
"Trust me"  
"Where are you? I will find you." (Separate words mixed with hearts and pictures of the companion cube)  
"You said to take care of it. How can I you wouldn't let me. I should disregard **your** advice. Leave me alone! STOP WATCHING. Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever. I WAS WRONG."  
"Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me The cube had food and maybe ammo and immortality"  
"Not in cruelty, Not in wrath, The REAPER came today; An ANGEL visited this gray path, And took the cube away"_

Along with the writing were several pictures of the Weighted Companion Cube, some replacing the heads of various people in pictures. Along with a crudely drawn picture of what looked like the security cameras seen throughout the tests came the words _"She's watching you"_. Edd was highly disturbed by all of this. Whoever wrote it must've grown obsessed with his or her Companion Cube, but Edd noticed they quoted Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Emily Dickinson in some of the phrases. This, along with the voice's increasingly disturbing and wierd comments, made Edd's suspision skyrocket. However, there was nothing else in the room so Edd had no other choice but to portal back out. As the portal closed inside the room, more writing on the wall behind the portal appeared. _"The cake is a lie."_ was written repeatedly down the wall.

_"The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice."  
_Edd hopped across the elevated platforms with his Weighted Companion Cube hovering firmly in front of his trusted Portal Device. He finally got to the inlet and found a Super-colliding Super-button on the floor. In the room past it were two doors and a strange cylinder protruding from the floor tilted forward a bit.  
"_You did it! The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck. However, it cannot accompany you through the remainder of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized."  
_"Euthanize?" Edd asked himself. To euthanize meant to kill something painlessly, but Edd's Weighted Companion Cube couldn't feel pain anyway.......Could it?  
"_Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator."  
_Placing his cube on the button, a door opened up to a small room containing a hand button. Edd pressed it and the top of the cylinder opened up, letting a fierce red glow poor into the room and causing the air around the cylinder to distort with the heat. Edd looked in the cylinder to see fire deep below. The ticking sound coming from the hand button grew faster and faster until the cylinder suddenly closed back up.  
"They want me to incinerate my Companion Cube? Why?" Edd asked himself as he looked towards his faithful tool.  
"_While it has been a faithful companion, the Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Centre takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it, because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."  
_"But why? Even if it can't go with my, why do I need to destroy the thing?"  
"_Rest assured that a independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Centre, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanizing process."  
_"But it helped me through the test! I couldn't have completed the chamber without it!"  
"_Although the euthanizing process is quite painful, nine out of ten Aperture Science employees believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain."  
_"Is anybody listening to me?? I demand to talk with someone sensible this minute!!" Edd shouted. Unfortnately, all he got in response was a repeated message to "euthanize" his Cube. Edd looked at it, resting on the button with his big red hearts. He had it for only a short time, yet he just couldn't see how he could just incinerate it. He destroyed other cubes before--accidentally dropping them into acid pits or watching them dissolve in the Emancipation Grille, but this was different. The Companion Cube was Edd's, well, _companion_!  
"...No! Get a grip of yourself Eddward, it's just part of the test. It's not a person." Edd forced himself to push the hand button, once again opening up the incinerator. Running against the clock, Edd quickly grabbed his companion cube and started to lower it into the fire. However, he couldn't get himself to release the thumb-ring on his Portal Device, and his Companion Cube simply hung helplessly over the hellish flames.  
"....I......Can't....." Edd stuttered to himself. He started to lift the cube out of the incinerator when suddenly the timer gave out and the door slid back into place, the Cube under it. A bright glow from the small hole in the middle of the lid indicated that something was burning, and Edd felt a small tear run down his cheek.  
"_You erased your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record." _Edd felt a pit of anger forming inside of him as he heard the voice speak. "_**Congratulations.**_"  
The second door opened up, revealing the elevator to the next test. Edd slowly walked in, feeling remorse for the "inanimate" object he just killed.


	6. They're watching you

**Port-Ed Chapter 6  
Created by Yoshermon**

The eerie quiet of the office was suddenly shattered by a foot breaking through the door.  
"Ed, there's a thing called a _doorknob_, you might wanna use it!!" Eddy remarked as he opened the door with his friend's leg still caught through it, dragging Ed along the ground. Eddy looked around and saw nothing more than a few chairs and a desk in front of a large window. The boys peered out of it and saw a large room below. It was very strange; there was no furniture or walkways and there were various strange objects the boys couldn't recognize. They noticed a strange green entity bouncing noisily between a wall and some strange device, going through a strange field of blue particles.. The boys simply gave a confused look and turned around to explore some more.  
"What's this?" Eddy asked, picking up a chunk of wood that Ed broke off from the door. It had a sign saying _Test Chamber 15_ on it.  
"Test Chamber? For what?" Eddy asked Ed, who simply scratched his head in reply. They went out of the door and started exploring again. They engaged in another "portal race" in a long hallway and as they flung themselves down it, Ed suddenly remembered something. Like the last time, he comically stopped in mid-air and grabbed Eddy as well.  
"Wait a minute!" Ed said as Eddy grumbled about being stopped. They waited in silence for a second when Ed spoke up again.  
"Didn't Double-D's sticky note say something about testing?" Ed asked as reality kicked back in and the boys fell to the ground.  
"....Hey, it did, didn't it?" Eddy replied. They noticed a door on their right with a sign saying _Test Chamber 17_ on it.  
"Double-D must be in one of these rooms!"  
With that, the boys raced around to find a place where they could see their friend.

* * *

_"The experiment is nearing its conclusion. The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake."  
_Edd, instead of ignoring the strange comment like usual, turned to one of the ever-present security cameras in the test chamber and sneered at it.  
Edd was not happy. Not happy about the turrets that tried to be friends with him while shooting Edd with machine guns, not happy about the pits filled with acid Edd had to avoid, and not happy about the death of Edd's Weighted Companion Cube. Edd just wanted to get the testing over with and have a word the person in charge. With that in mind, he shot a portal on the ceiling above the next platform and went through.

* * *

"Let's try this one!" Ed shouted. Eddy walked up to the door Ed was pointing at with the sign saying _Test Chamber 18.01_ on it. They went into the empty office and peered out of the window. They saw a very large room with metal walls and concrete platforms dotted about.  
"Geese, who the heck designed this place?" Eddy asked as he looked around. His attention quickly went back to the window when he saw something flash in the corner of his eye. Up on the ceiling near the window (which was high up in the room) was an orange portal. Ed and Eddy jumped back in surprise when something fell out of the portal right in front of them.  
"What was that?!?" Eddy asked as they went back up to the window. Down on the platform below they saw Edd, clad in an orange jumpsuit and metal bars going under his heels holding a portal gun of his own.  
"Double-D!!" Ed shouted as he pressed his face up to the glass.

* * *

Edd paused for a minute when he thought he heard something. He looked around but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Edd shrugged it off and continued to make his way through the chamber.

* * *

"Double-D has a portal gun too?" Eddy asked as he watched Edd disappear around the corner.  
"Come on, Eddy!" Ed shouted as he grabbed his short friend and fled out of the office. They ran and "portaled" through the hallways of the facility until they came upon a door labeled _Test Chamber 10.03_. They ran inside to find another large room, stranger then the last. Ed and Eddy looked downwards to see a pit of some discusting brown-colored liquid below. Protruding from the pit were four tall hydrolic arms holding platforms near the middle height of the room. On each platform was a strange, almost egg-shaped thing with three prongs acting as legs to hold them up. Ed and Eddy saw a peice of wall come out from a platform on one side of the room where Edd came out from behind it. The egg things turned toward Edd and, much to Ed and Eddy's horror, the panels on either side of them opened up to reveal machine guns and they all started shooting at the boy.

* * *

Edd ran as fast as he could to avoid the bullets mercilessly raining down upon him by the turret "buddies". He ran to a corner just out of their range of rotation and they gave up trying to shoot him. Breathing heavily, Edd let himself drop to the ground for a moment to catch his breath. He noticed an energy ball launcher attached to a platform on a hydraulic arm which rotated 90 degrees every few seconds. Using the ash marks left on the concrete where the balls bounced off as a refrence point, Edd shot portals to direct the balls at each of the turrets. The energy orbs knocked each turret off of its platform and Edd felt a slight sadistic pleasure as they all melted in the pit of acid below. Edd then directed one energy ball towards a catchment in the room which subsequently started up a moving platform. Edd hopped on and the platform took him across the pit to an inlet on the other side of the room. Above the inlet, just out of Edd's reach and covered with metal so he could place a portal there, was a second inlet with a Weighted Storage Cube. Taking a brief look at his surroundings (ignoring the two figures on the other side of the heavily frosted glass) and a second to think, Edd knew what he had to do.

* * *

"Wow, Double-D is really good at this!" Ed said as he watched his friend solve the puzzle. Ed and Eddy watched as Edd pushed a button that caused a panel of wall to tilt upward at an angle. Edd then placed an orange portal on it and jumped down to the pit, where he shot and went through a blue portal on a small platform below. Edd flew out of the tilted platform and landed on the inlet containing a metal box. Before the panel went back into the wall, Edd shot a portal next to it and quickly went back behind the panel to the previous room.  
"....Wow." Ed said as he and his friend let their jaws drop to the floor, their eyes as big as dinner plates. They just watched their friend, a boy who lost in a wrestling match with a wooden board, take down four armed turrets and jump across a fifty-foot chasm and back without breaking a sweat. After picking their jaws back up and snapping them into place, Ed and Eddy then quickly ran out of the office and to the door labeled _Test Chamber 18.02_. There they saw Edd put the box on a very large button and portal his way to the door that just opened.  
"Geese, for all that complaining about guns and violence Double-D sure is quick with the trigger!" Eddy remarked as he and Ed went out of the room to find another viewpoint.

* * *

_"Well done. Be advised that the next test requires exposure to uninsulated electrical parts that may be dangerous under certain conditions. For more information, please attend an Enrichment Center electrical safety seminar."  
_Edd was not surprised at the possiblility of yet _another_ life-threatening danger he'll have to get around in the test. That chamber was somewhat strange; Edd couldn't shake the feeling he was being watched. He knew the security cameras tracked his every move in all the test chambers but that room felt different. Edd certainly hoped this whole thing would all be over soon.


	7. 4000 degrees Kelvin

**Port-Ed Chapter 7  
Created by Yoshermon** (with a procrastination attack – don't ask me what that is XD)

_"Congratulations. The test is now over."_

Edd let out a sigh of relief and sat down on the moving platform that was slowly making its way down the thin hallway. He looked down through the glass and the disgusting brown liquid below.

"Now I can finally have a stern word to the person who designed these tests." Edd said to himself.

_"All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin." _

"Huh?" Edd looked as the platform turned a corner into a metal hallway that descended into a large room. A giant, blazing fire burned at the point where the intangible tracks of the platform ended and Edd almost fell off into the acid below.

_"Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence._"

"Oh my god!" Edd frantically scouted the room for any possible means of escape, but every flat surface was covered in metal. In a fit of panic, Edd fired his Portal gun everywhere he could point but the shots of energy immediately dispersed into nothingness upon contact with the walls and ceiling.

_"Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."_

The platform slowly descended into the fire pit and Edd felt the heat on his face. He looked everywhere but the only possible means of rescue was on a platform too high up to jump onto. Edd felt himself getting hotter and hotter until the heat started to sting his sweat-drenched skin. His vision became blurry as the platform was less than a few yards above the open flames and he felt like he was going to pass out until something green fluttered in his face. Edd pushed it away as the horrid stench filled his lungs but suddenly grabbed it back. Ed hoisted his friend up off of the moving platform and onto the deck where the heat immediately dissipated.

"You gave us a real scare there, sockhead." Eddy said as he helped Edd up.  
"How did you guys get here?!" Edd inquired.  
"We found the address on the back of the sticky-note."  
"You two went into my room without asking?!?" he shouted.  
"Hey, Lumpy and me here just saved your life!" Eddy said.  
"Oh, I'm sorry. I owe you guys my life, and I-I" Edd let the lumps in his throat get the better of him as tears started falling down his face. He hugged Ed and Eddy tightly, much to the former's embarrassment.  
"Chill out, sockhead." Eddy said as he pried Edd's arms away.  
"Oh, sorry."  
"No problem. Now let's take these babies and sell them for gazillions of dollars!" Eddy said, holding up his Portal Gun.  
"Eddy, these are property of Aperture Science. We can't just go around selling them without the company's permission!"  
"In case you hadn't noticed, this 'company' just tried to turn you into barbecue." Eddy said.  
"Well, I'm going to have a little chat with the manager of this place and get that sorted out. And I'd like to give whoever programmed that voice a piece of my mind!"  
"What voice?"

As if on cue, GLaDOS spoke up.

_"What are you doing? Stop it! I-I-I-I-I-IIIIIIIIIIbzzzzt Weeee are pleased that you made it through the final challenge, where we pretended we were going to murder you."_

"Pretended my-"

_"We are very, very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area."_

"As if. Come on Double-D, we're getting out of here."  
"But Eddy-" Edd cut himself off as he looked at the fire pit below. "Okay, let's go. But where?"  
"I'll show ya!" Eddy said as he opened a nearby door. The trio went inside to find a large, dimly-lit room filled with enormous pipes and wires hanging about with the sounds of various machinery chugging in the background.  
"Why would they let you back here?" Edd asked.  
"I dunno. When we came in, that stupid voice, called GLaDOS or something, told us there'd be cake-"  
"Cake!"  
"-if we did some stupid test or something. We went into a room but it was empty and the next thing I know, I'm in this glass room stuffed in a pod thing with Smelly over here and a portal out of the room opened up and we went through it. Then one of the walls went forward and we went behind it and ended up here."  
"You're lucky I'm a good listener, Eddy." Edd remarked. "Anyway, it seems you and Ed were going to go through the tests I had to go through, before someone intervened." Edd started chuckling for a bit.  
"What?"  
"Oh, it's just that these tests took a lot of problem solving. You and Ed wouldn't get past testchamber four."  
"Oh yeah?!" Eddy said, aiming his portal gun at Edd.  
"Be careful with that, Eddy! These things are dangerous!"  
"Yeah, 'cause I could do this!" Eddy quickly fired a portal on a nearby wall and a second one under Edd's feet, causing him to fall from the wall a few feet and hit the ground face-first.  
"Hey!" Edd shouted as Eddy and Ed started laughing. In retaliation, he quickly shot an orange portal of his own on a high up wall before he fell through and shot a blue one under Eddy's feet. Eddy screamed as he fell from the high up wall, picking up speed and hurtling towards the ground. Before he hit the floor, Edd shot an orange portal under him. Eddy fell into the orange portal and out of the blue one, and back through again. Edd chuckled as Eddy tossed and turned, bobbing up and down between the two portals on the floor.

_"Assume the party escort submission position or you will miss the party," _said GLaDOS in a somewhat annoyed tone.

"Screw you, psycho computer-lady," Eddy retorted.  
"That's strange," Edd said.  
"What's strange?"  
"The voice knew that you guys saved me. Up until now, I thought this so-called 'GLaDOS' was just prerecorded messages."  
"Creepy," Eddy replied. "Anyway, Ed and me ain't finished exploring this place yet. Let's see if we can find any other cool things around this joint!"  
"It would be so much nicer to be around you if your grammar wasn't deplorable as it is. But I guess there's no point in staying here, and going back is obviously out of the question," Edd said.

With nods of agreement from the other two Eds, they proceeded across the room and through another door, heading deeper into the facility of Aperture Science.


	8. They took him away

**Port-Ed Chapter 8  
Created by rcmero  
Edited by Yoshermon**

_A/N: That's three out of three. Didn't expect it so quickly though. But what the hey. Thank you Yoshermon. With all that said and done, let's get on with the show!_

* * *

"Found another one, Double-D! Says we 'oughta go this way," said Eddy as he looked at the wall in front of him. On it was a large, red arrow that looked as if it was hastily spray-painted, pointing upwards.

"Up?" asked Ed as he and Edd walked over to the arrow. Above them, high up on the ceiling was a small grate. Above that, the Eds could see a concrete wall.

"I call it!" shouted Eddy before his friends could say anything. With a disappointed groan from Ed and a quiet mumble from Edd, Eddy aimed his Portal Gun upwards and fired. A blue portal opened up on the concrete ceiling above the grate, which connected to an orange portal that Eddy fired on the wall in front of him. He sat down and scooted slowly toward the portal feet-first. As his legs went through the threshold, the boy started to accelerate until his body was pulled through the portal and onto the ground in front.

"Man that feels weird!" Eddy said as he gazed back up through the blue portal at his friends.

"You get used to it after a while," said Edd as he jumped into the orange portal and landed gracefully on his feet. Ed went next, running into the portal and landing on the ground face-first. The Eds looked around at the new room they were in and saw large, clear tubes that passed through the walls, heading somewhere else in the facility. The boys saw Weighted Storage Cubes moving quickly through the pipes, apparently heading towards various test chambers as Edd guessed. One tube on the floor was broken, the top of it shattered making a hole large enough for a person to crawl through. On the wall above the tube was another arrow pointing down.

"I wonder," Edd said to no one in particular. "Who created these directions? This is the seventh or eighth one we've passed by and they've all lead us to another part of the facility."

"Who cares?" Eddy replied. "Let's just find our way out."

"Water slide!" Ed shouted as he jumped into the broken tube. Before Eddy and Edd could react, Ed slid quickly down the tube and out of sight.

"After him!" Eddy shouted as he pushed Edd into the tube before entering himself. A steady but strong stream of air pushed the two boys along the slick pipe at a quick pace. They soon caught up with Ed, and the three shared screams and yelps as they were forced through several sharp turns in the numatic maze. One last turn sent the boys hurtling straight down until they landed on Ed with a loud thump. A loud groaning of metal roared over the complaints of the three boys followed by a metallic snap. The three boys dropped further until they all landed hard on a concrete floor.

"What the he-" Eddy was cut off when a large piece of metal landed on him. Edd managed to get up and look around. The three boys were in a test chamber, having entered through a Vital Apparatus Vent that bestows Weighted Storage Cubes.

"_Okay. The test is over now. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake," _said GLaDOS over the unseen speakers in the room.  
_  
_"Go to hell, psycho-computer lady!" Eddy shouted, shaking his fist in the air.

"Eddy!" Edd interrupted Eddy.

"What?"

"You know better than to swear like tha-"

"Where are we?" Ed asked, interrupting Edd.

"I believe we're in Test Chamber 9," Edd answered.

"It doesn't look so hard," said Eddy. Beyond an emancipation grill was a large button in front of a door. Ed, excited at seeing the button, ran over and jumped on it. The door immediately opened up in front of them.

"This is the kind of 'problem solving' you had to do? Geese, Double-D, we're not _that_ stupid," said Eddy.

"This was before my device could fire orange portals, Eddy," Edd started, "There was a lot more to this than just standing on a button and firing a portal on the other side of the door."

"If you say so," said Eddy as he fired a blue portal onto the wall beyond the open door.

"Aw, Eddy! It was my turn!" whined Ed as he stepped off the button, causing the door to close. Eddy fired an orange portal and the trio went through. They came upon the lift to the next Test Chamber, though the elevator was missing. Under it, the boys could see another room. Taking faith in their heelsprings, they jumped down into the room below. It was very dark, save for a few flickering lights here and there. Large pistons all around the room pumped back and forth, creating a low rumbling noise. Before the Eds went to look for an exit, an orange portal suddenly appeared on the wall next to them.

"Did you fire that?" Eddy asked. The other two boys both shook their heads.

"Gentlemen, I suspect this is a trap," Edd started.

"Well, you'd have to be pretty stupid to fall for that trick," Eddy agreed. They looked inside the portal and saw nothing but blackness. That is, until a light turned on to reveal a table, upon which was...

"CAKE!!!" Ed shouted as he ran through the portal at breakneck speed. "Yum yum yum!"

"NO ED!" Eddy and Edd shouted simultaneously. But the portal closed immediately after Ed went through.

"Ed!" Eddy sank to the ground, hoping for the portal to return.

"_This is your fault,"_ GLaDOS started. _"It didn't have to be like this." _

"But… why monobrow…"  
_  
"I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I _will_ kill you."  
_  
"Why…" Eddy started to get angry.  
_  
"I'm going to kill you and all the cake is gone."_

Eddy slowly started getting up.

"_You don't even care, do you? This is your last chance."  
_  
"NEVER!!!" Eddy shouted, his sadness turning to anger. However, aside from the churning of the pistons, the room was silent.

* * *

"Cake!!" Ed shouted again as he ran toward the pastry. "Yum yum yum!" He picked it up only to find that it was made of metal.

"_Do you wish for a real cake?" _GLaDOS started.

"Cake!" Ed shouted excitedly.

"_I process that as a 'yes'. Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit."_

Ed yelped as a sharp pain erupted in his hands, which were still holding the metal cake. His vision blurred and he dropped the mock confection, revealing the syringe needles that were previously embedded in the boy's hands. The boy dropped backwards, unconscious.

_

* * *

_

A/N: This is where Yoshermon left off. Still had more though. Oh well, maybe next time.  
So that ends the 'big three' update. Now I'll slowly be updating the fanfics – not as much though, my vacation ends tomorrow. Anyway, R&R!


	9. GLaDOS

**Port-Ed Chapter 9  
Created by rcmero  
Edited by Yoshermon**

Eddy quickly ducked, feeling the wind of the bullet as it passed right over his head in a fraction of a second. He quickly scrambled back into the trench along with Edd.

_"Target lost,"_ said the turret in its childish voice as it retracted its arms.

"A trap," Edd said as Eddy regained his composure. The two were in a trench that formed a square around the large room they were in. The walls were extremely high up, and far way in the distance the boys could see a catwalk. However, except for the floor, the trench and the small openings in the walls at various heights that contained turrets, the room was covered in metal.

"I've got an idea," said Edd as he bravely climbed out of the trench.

_"I see you," _said the turret as it revealed its machine guns. Before it could fire, however, Edd quickly fired a blue portal underneath it and an orange portal on the wall behind it. The turret screamed as it fell through the portals, eventually gaining enough speed to bypass the blue portal on the ground. _"I don't blame you,"_ it said as its glowing red "eye" faded out. Edd's victory was short lived, as more openings in the walls opened up to reveal more turrets. Edd quickly dashed back into the trench before they could target him.

"Nice one," Eddy said as Edd fired a blue portal in the wall in front of them. "I can take it from here."

Eddy quickly dashed through the portal and fired one of his own on the wall behind a turret. He fired another on the wall next to him and went through, kicking the turret out of the opening that was off of the ground a ways. Edd joined him and the two made their way up the rooms, deactivating the turrets and portaling to the openings above. When they reached the highest opening, however, they were still a ways under the catwalk. Eddy peered down and saw that one of the openings just a small distance below them had a concrete latch that was hanging above it at an angle. Edd saw this and the two nodded at each other. They both shot blue portals at the latch and jumped from their openings, firing orange portals at the floor below them. The two rocketed out of their respective portals and landed on the catwalk. By the time Edd regained his footing, Eddy was already halfway across the catwalk.

"Wait up!" Edd called as he ran after Eddy.

"Hurry, Double-D! That Gladys or whatever took Ed!" Eddy replied. The two soon reached a long hallway dotted with offices on either side. They checked each one, finding all of them empty. They neared the end of the hallway and found a door, but something caught Edd's eye.

"Wait a minute," he said.

"What is it?" Eddy asked impatiently. Edd went into an office and saw that the computer on the table was running. "It's a computer, so what?"

"Eddy, you remember that writing we found earlier?" Edd asked, "The one that said, 'Login: cjohnson Password: tier3'?"

"Not really, the guy wrote all kinds of crazy crap!" said Eddy, "he kept going on about a cube or something like that and saying the cake was a lie."

"Well, I have a hunch that _this_ isn't a lie," said Edd as he typed the login name and password into the computer. It took a second to process before showing a welcome screen. On the desktop was a single icon that said "Personal Log". Ignoring Eddy's groans, Edd clicked the icon and read the file that popped up.

_Aperture Science Data Log  
User: Ca2+saw Date: as=1*2+_

"Why's the name and date all screwed up?" asked Eddy, taking a slight interest in the file.

"I don't know," said Edd. "It looks like someone doesn't want us to know. Quite a lot of this has been tampered with, but there are still some things in tact."

"Well hurry up, Ed's waiting for us!"

_Log #1_

_Today was a tremendous success! We have just started up our new artificial intelligence system: our __**Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System**__, or GLaDOS for short. This AI will be a tremendous help with testing, taking care of virtually every aspect of monitoring our test subjects. I hope to see great things from this unit._

_Date: ao24+-_

_Log #2_

_GLaDOS is working perfectly, as we designed it to. The rather mundane task of monitoring our test subjects is now completely automated, and the results are far more accurate and detailed as well. We recently installed a voice simulator to allow it to talk with a feminine voice, though it creeps me out a little sometimes. Still, GLaDOS is the best thing to ever happen to Aperture, aside from the portal technology we developed a year back._

_Date: 11+/*2kj_

_Log #6_

_My scientists truly are geniuses. GLaDOS is not only very efficient, but she acts almost like a regular person! To tell the truth, I actually had a conversation with her once! Can you believe that, a man having a conversation with an Artificial Intelligence Unit! However, she said some things that unnerved me a little, but I guess her AI isn't absolutely perfect. But still....._

_Date: 24*fds-_

_Log #10_

_GLaDOS is starting to worry me. The last five test subjects have all died, and while she says it was due to incompetence, I'm not quite sure. None of our scientists have even had a second thought about the test chambers; GLaDOS has access to rearrange the walls and import any testing apparatus we tell her to, or that she pleases. I'm going to take a look at her hardware to see if there's some kind of malfunction._

_Log #11_

_Date: 7/16 _

"Hey, isn't today the twentieth?" asked Eddy as he saw the unscrambled date.

"I'm afraid so, Eddy," said Edd, gulping.

_Everything has gone wrong; I don't have much time._  
_To all who see this message, get out of the facility! If you cannot, you must destroy GLaDOS's four proceskl; _

The log ended there.

"Freaky," said Eddy as he turned around to walk out of the office. Edd began to log off, but reconsidered and left the computer on. He followed Eddy through the door at the end of the hallway. The boys found themselves in another hallway, though the walls were filled with windows that showed they were in an enclosed catwalk suspended above an incredibly large room. The two boys started to walk down the long hallway. When they were halfway across, the large metal door on the other end slid up, and out of it walked....

"…Ed? Is that you?" Eddy asked in disbelief.

"Why hello, Eddy," Ed said. Eddy ran forward, but Edd stopped in his tracks. Something about Ed's voice bothered him.

"Ed! You're alive!" Eddy shouted as he ran toward his friends.

"Shut your trap!" Ed shouted in a dark tone.

"Ed? What happened to you?" Eddy asked, shocked. Ed simply smiled and cracked his neck. Edd saw a faint glint on the boy's neck as he moved it side to side.

"Eddy," Edd said in shock, "I fear GLaDOS got our buddy."

"Say what?!" Eddy shouted. Ed's dark smile grew broader, confirming Edd's statement. "Why that no good little… Double D, you go on!"

"Are you sure, Eddy?" Edd asked nervously.

"I'm sure. I gotta knock some sense into lumpy over here and you gotta find us a way out of this crazy place." Edd, realizing that Eddy was not going to back down, walked forward slowly. Ed stepped aside in compliance, his evil smile not wavering as Edd passed by nervously. As Ed turned around to face Eddy again, Edd noticed a robotic probe attached to the back of Ed's head.

"So… it all comes down to this, huh, Ed?" Eddy said as he tried to crack his knuckles, though only getting two of them. Ed did not respond.

Edd made his way past an emancipation grill and heard the metal door slam down behind him, sealing him off from Ed and Eddy. He found himself in a small office space containing a table that held a red telephone. The cord, however, was severed. Beyond the office was a big circular room, in the middle of which was a large mechanical structure hanging from the ceiling.  
On one of the surfaces were the words "Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System". Edd started to walk forward until a bloodcurdling scream pierced his ears. He ran back toward the door to find no visible way of opening it. Eddy's screams suddenly came to a stop, and the room was once again silent.

"_Well you found me. Congratulations."_ Edd spun around, his face red with anger._ "Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far, is my heart," _GLaDOS stated, her voice echoing throughout the room. She swung back and fourth slightly as she hung in front of Edd.

"You tried to kill me and now you're trying to kill my friends!" shouted Edd.

"_Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day."_

"No!"

"_I guess we both know that isn't going to happen."_

"What did I just say?" Edd said, his annoyance at her starting to replace his anger.

"_You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you."_

"Oh dear," Edd said, taking an involuntary step back out of fear.

"_Deploying surprise in five… four…"_

Before GLaDOS could finish, something snapped off and fell from her body.

"… _time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me?"_

Edd looked at the thing that fell off of GLaDOS. It looked like an orb of sorts, about as large as a Weighted Storage Cube with a purple "eye" on it.

"_That's not the surprise. I've never seen it before."_

Edd started to walk towards the orb.

"_Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later. BY MYSELF. Because you'll be dead."_

Edd ignored GLaDOS. He held his Portal Gun up to the orb and picked it up.

"_Where are you taking that thing?"_ GLaDOS asked, her voice suddenly becoming worried..

"None of your business," he replied, looking around the room. Near the back he saw an incinerator, the same kind in which he "killed" his Weighted Companion Cube. He walked over to it, his memories of the Weighted Companion Cube quickening his pace and filling his gut with rage. He set the orb down next to the closed incinerator and fired a blue portal on the wall near it. Taking a second look around the room, Edd found a sort of indoor shack on the wall a ways from the incinerator. He fired a portal near it, facing the entrance to the metal bungalow. Inside it was a pedestal button, and Edd smiled. He walked through the portal and pressed the button, feeling a wave of heat brush past his back as the incinerator opened up. He grabbed the orb and tossed it in, causing a small explosion.

"_Yooouuu're kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?" _GLaDOS said, her voice worried and confused,_ "That has got to be the dumbest thing that whoah… whoah… whoah… whooooah."_ GLaDOS's voice suddenly changed. It became smoother, more seductive and less computerized. Edd felt a tingle go up his spine as she started to laugh. _"Good news. I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did."_

"Wh-what was it?" Edd said, fear welling up inside of him.

"_It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin." _she stated. Edd's mind raced back to the journal entries he'd read earlier.

"_So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters"_ The monitors suddenly displayed a countdown timer with only six minutes on it.

"_By the way,"_ GLaDOS continued, _"deploying surprise in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1."_

An orange portal popped up on a wall, and out came...

"…Ed?!?" Edd shouted.

Behind Ed, unbeknown to him, came Eddy. He was injured, bleeding from his left arm, but alive.

"I ain't done with you yet!" Eddy shouted as he tackled Ed. The boys fell to the ground, wrestling each other until a sudden explosion caught their attention.

"_That core may have had some auxiliary responsibilities," _GLaDOS started, _"I can't shut off the turret defenses."_

Near the GLaDOS on the floor was what looked like a turret, only it was attached to the ground by a group of hydraulic arms and its eye was green. It pointed its targeting laser at Ed and Eddy and gave off a loud beep, its green eye turning orange. After a second, a small rocket fired from it and shot towards the boys. Eddy managed to break free of Ed's grasp just in time, but Ed was caught in the rocket blast. He flew a couple of feet backwards and hit the wall, but he recovered quickly.

_That gives me an idea,_ Edd thought to himself. _I just need to snap Ed out of it._


	10. Curiosity Core

**Port-Ed chapter 10  
Created by rcmero  
Edited by Yoshermon**

"_If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me; it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin," _GLaDOS said as she continued to swing back and fourth. She somewhat resembled a person, hung upside down from their ankles with their hands tied behind their legs, swaying in a daze like someone who belonged in an asylum. It sent a shiver down Edd's spine as he thought about it, before another explosion snapped him back to reality.

"Double-D!" Eddy shouted from atop Ed. They were wrestling on the ground, rolling around both to try and get on top of another and to dodge the rockets slowly being fired at them. "Do something!"

"I...Uh..." Edd frantically looked around the room for something--_anything_ that could help them. Aside from the incinerator, there was nothing Edd could make use of. He looked at the Rocket Turret, which was too focused on trying to obliterate Ed and Eddy to notice him. A visible laser beam marked where it was aiming, and Edd noticed that the rockets traveled along the line precisely. That gave him an idea.

"Eddy!" Edd shouted, "Heads up!" Without hesitation, Edd fired an orange portal high up on the concrete wall of the room and a blue portal underneath Ed and Eddy. The two fell down and separated in order to land feet-first, their heelsprings protecting them.

Ed landed right next to a rocket, fractions of a second before it exploded. It knocked the boy across the room, whizzing past GLaDOS and earning a "_watch where you're going,_" from her. He skidded across the floor a bit before getting up as if it didn't phase him.

Eddy bounced on his heelsprings over to Edd, and said, "Can you give me more time to, oh, I dunno... _REACT_ before you portal me thirty feet up?"

"Sorry Eddy," Edd said, "But I had to separate you and Ed. I have a plan." Edd whispered something into Eddy's ear, and the boy raised his eyebrows.

"Gotcha, Double D!" Eddy said. He turned towards Ed, who was running toward him, and said, "Okay, Ed! It's go time!"

Edd knew he couldn't waste any time. The clock was at four minutes and fifty seven seconds, and he could see a thin green mist spewing from the vents around the room. He fired a blue portal on the floor, right underneath GLaDOS.

Eddy quickly jumped over Ed as the boy charged at him, but Ed grabbed Eddy's leg and threw him across the room. "Lumpy finally grows a brain, and he's evil," Eddy remarked to himself as he got up. He ran toward the rocket turret, getting its attention and causing it to slowly turn until its laser was aiming at Eddy. Eddy stepped aside as it beeped, but it remained still and the rocket flew past the boy into the wall beyond.

Ed charged at Eddy again, who quickly jumped to the side. Eddy backed up against the wall, saying "Hey stupid, I'm over here!" Ed charged at Eddy, who shouted "NOW!"

Edd fired an orange portal directly behind Eddy, who backed into it quickly and climbed out the floor under GLaDOS. Ed raced towards the portal, but slammed into the concrete wall as Edd closed it. Before Ed could turn around, a rocket fired at him. Edd quickly fired an orange portal in front of Ed as the rocket slammed into the back of his head.

The boy flew through the portal and slammed right into GLaDOS, causing something to fall from her. Ed fell on the floor, and with the sound of crunching metal, the probe attached to his head was destroyed.

"Ed, are you alright?" Edd shouted as he ran over to his friend. He stopped momentarily as he remembered the rocket turret, but when he turned around he saw that it was disabled.

"Oh, my aching head," Ed said, his voice back to normal. "Where am I? Where did the cake go?"

"Ed! Thank goodness you're alright!" Edd said, helping the boy on his feet.

"Yo Sockhead!" Eddy called, holding something. It looked like GLaDOS' morality core, except the eye was orange. "What should I do with this?"

"_Who are you?_" the core said in a high-pitched voice, not too different than the turrets'. Its eye whirled around, as if it was trying to see everything around it. _"What is that? Oh, what is _that_? OOOOH, that thing has numbers on it!"_

"That is Eddy," Ed told the core, "He is short and gets angry a lot."

"Yeah, like RIGHT NOW!" Eddy said, shoving the core into Ed's stomach.

_"Oh, you're the children from the test!" _the core said, _"Hi!"_

"What is it?" Eddy asked.

"It looks like another one of GLaDOS' cores," Edd said.

"Aw, isn't it cute?" Ed cooed as the core continued to ask.

"It almost pains me to say this, but I think we must incinerate it," Edd said. He looked at GLaDOS, and noticed two more similar cores attached to her. "It's a longshot, but I hypothesize that if we can destroy all four of her cores, it'll shut her down. Or at least stop the neurotoxin."

"Oh boy!" Ed shouted, "this'll be just like Narbacular Drop!"

"It's good to have ya back, Lumpy," Eddy said. He handed the core to Edd, who ran toward the incinerator. Ed turned toward GLaDOS, and said, "Wow, you're big, Glady!"

"_That's GLaDOS," _the machine replied.

"Where's my cake?"

"_You still want cake? After those subjects brainwashed you?"_

"What?"

"Don't listen to her, Ed!" Eddy said. "She's just messing with you."

"_Listen to them. Trying to seduce you. Are you really that stupid?"_

"But they're my friends!"

"_They _were _your friends."_

"They were?"

Just then, there was a small explosion followed by a blood-curdling scream.

"One down, two to go!" Edd shouted.


	11. Culdesac

**Port-Ed Chapter 11  
Created by rcmero  
Edited by Yoshermon**

_A/N__: Sorry for the loooooooong delay, but here is the next chapter! This time, I decided to lure the attention away from the Eds and now see what the cul-de-sac kids are up to. Surely they noticed the Eds missing! _

**_

* * *

_**

"Hey, has anyone seen Dork, Dork and Dorky lately?"

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen them all day."

The congregation of children cul-de-sac nodded in agreement to Nazz's comment.

"This is not good. Remember the last time they went missing for a day?" Kevin asked. One by one, everyone began to nod, their faces cringing at the painful memories of the incident.

"They're obviously up to something. Everyone, split up and search the neighborhood for any sign of them," Kevin commanded. "And remember, if you come across something suspicious, no matter how fun or interesting it looks,_ don't _go near it!"

His statement earned more nods of agreement. After several calls of who gets to check where, the kids split up.

The light flowing into Edd's room from his window was disturbed by a smiling, wooden board as it was elevated to it on a wooden pole.

"See anything Plank?" Jonny asked. He listened intently to the silence emanating from the board.

"Say what? Plank, I don't think we should actually break in to Double-D's house!."

More silence was Jonny's response.

"Okay...But if we get in trouble, it's on your head mister!"

Jonny peered through the front entrance of the house. Its door was lying on the floor inside, a dirty footprint and cracks adorning its center. Jonny took a moment to wonder why nobody had noticed earlier, but lost interest in the notion as he found two sets of tracks leading upstairs. Eagerly following them, Jonny began to enter Edd's room when a tug on his arm stopped him.

"What's the matter Plank?"

A yellow sticky note lay on the floor directly below the board. Curiously, Jonny picked it up.

"Aperture Science...What do you think this is, buddy?"

Silence.

"What's that? You think the Eds are there? I'd better tell Kevin then."

Jonny rounded up everyone else and they all gathered at the lane.

"You find something, Jonny?" Kevin asked.

"Found this in Edd's house." Jonny handed Kevin the note. "Plank says the Eds are in whatever that place in the note is, but I forgot the name already."

After reading its contents, Kevin suddenly dropped the small piece of paper, his eyes wide as saucers.

"What's with you?" Sarah asked.

Kevin didn't answer. He stood, still as a statue as a memory flashed in his mind. When it ended, he suddenly jolted and scrambled for the sticky note.

"No..." he whispered, his voice shaky and trembling as he held the note. "It can't be..."

"What can't be, Kevin? Answer me!" Sarah said again, trying to get Kevin's attention.

Silence.

"Kevin!"

"Guys...The Eds..."

"What's the problem, Kevin?"

"Aperture..." he whispered, but Jonny could hear it.

"Ah, that's the name!" Jonny said.

"Say what?" Nazz suddenly gave a loud yell. "You're sayin' the Eds are at _that_ place?"

"...Y-yes." said Kevin. "My dad used to work there...B-before he worked at the jawbreaker factory."

"So what's the problem?" asked Jonny.

"He said that this artificial intelligence or something in the facility went ballistic and starting killing everyone." Kevin managed to calm himself as he talked. "He was lucky he was able to get out alive. My mom and me took him to the hospital, and he wouldn't stop gagging and coughing up blood." Kevin cringed at the memory.

"And how does Go-Go-Nazz girl know about this Apache Si-Fi whatchamacallit place?" Rolf asked.

"My cousin worked there part-time once," Nazz said. "She didn't know about what happened."

"Wait, what?" Kevin asked, surprised. "Your cousin's there too?"

"Yeah. Guess I haven't told you about it," she replied. "Anyway, she said she was going to try out this experiment or other, and we haven't heard from her since."

"Guess that happened with Double-D and Ed and Eddy. It's the same thing it says in the note."

"Well nobody tries to kill my big brother except me!" Sarah shouted.

"Rolf agrees..." Rolf paused for a moment, his face scrunched in thought, "...About the saving of the Ed-boys, that is."

"Plank says we should storm the place and get them outta there!" Jonny shouted. After Kevin pointed out the address on the back of the note, everyone agreed with Jonny's proposal except for a reluctant Jimmy.

"I don't wanna be anywhere _near_ that place!" Jimmy said, clutching his head in fear.

"Alright, _don't_ come," Kevin jeered. He walked away, signaling for everyone to come with him. Sarah gave the boy a sympathetic look, but she turned and followed Kevin."Besides," Kevin said before he was out of earshot, "you can stay here. All by yourself. Except the Kanker sisters maybe."

A sudden jump and a cry of "Okay! I'm coming!" and Jimmy was racing toward the group, all headed for Aperture Science.

* * *

_"Nine large egg yolks. __Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes. One cup granulated sugar."_

The core that Edd held with his Portal Gun continued to list quantities of all kinds of ingredients in its monotone voice as it stared at the boy with its blue, heavily-dilated eye. Edd placed it near the incinerator and proceeded to place a portal on the nearby wall and another near the button.

_"Your entire lives have been one mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to cor-"_

A scream and an explosion cut off the computer as the Intelligence Core ceased to exist. GLaDOS squirmed and swung around, as if writhing in pain.

"_HAH! You think you're doing some damage?"_ she said, still swinging erratically. _" Two plus two is..." _A churning static sounded for a few seconds, until afterwards came a faint _"...Ten..."_

"Ten? This thing's even dumber than Ed!" said Eddy. As if she heard Eddy, GLaDOS continued.

"_IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"_

"Wait...What?"

"Ha-ha, very funny," retorted a sarcastic Edd as he ran around the room, avoiding the reactivated Rocket Turret's line of sight. He shot a blue portal under GLaDOS and an orange one right in front of him. The Rocket Turret gave off its warning beep, its eye turned red and it launched its projectile at the boy. Edd was already out of the rocket's path, however, and it went straight past him.

Unfortunately, GLaDOS shifted her frame just before the rocket entered the portal, and it sped past her.

"_You're wasting your time," _she mocked. _"And believe me, you don't have a lot of time to waste."_

Edd nervously looked at the timer and gasped as it displayed less than three minutes of time left.

"This is not good!"

* * *

The door flung open as Kevin retracted his foot from the air. He and the other kids entered the building cautiously.

"This is the place, alright," Kevin said. "I used to come here with my dad a long time ago."

"Plank says this place looks like it's run by an army of Double-D's!" Jonny shouted.

"This place's run by _nobody_, baldy, except for that machine." Kevin perked and suddenly looked up at a security camera situated in the corner of the room. Cautiously, he walked up to it and waved his hand back and forth. "That's strange," he said, "these things usually follow you around all creepy-like."

"Does that mean the computer or whatever is shut down?" Nazz asked. As if in answer, the ground shook gently and loud static blasted from the speakers.

"Apparently not," Rolf muttered.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for not much action here, but the 800+ words should make up for it. Also, no prizes for guessing who Nazz's cousin is.  
_


	12. Anger Core and Party Escort

_A/N: "It's been a loooong time... how have you been?" I've been reeeeeeally busy being a college student…_  
_But now with my internship coming up again, I may just have some time to finish this thing._  
_If you recently went into my account you'll see that I deleted all other stories but this one, because quite honestly, they suck._  
_Anyway, back to the point. Yes, it's been a long time. Yes, I beat Portal 2. Yes, I'm finally finishing this story._  
_After all that, please do enjoy this final chapter of Port-Ed, and look forward to the sequel soon._

* * *

"This should do it!"

Edd dodged to the side for the umpteenth time, feeling air get pushed toward him as another rocket shot past. It went through a portal on the wall and came out of the floor, where it hit GLaDOS's frame dead on. The final blast from the rocket dislodged the final core, and the Eds watched in awe as it appeared to bounce around the room. It stopped in midair high up above them, held in place by what looked to be a beam emanating from GLaDOS.

"_You didn't honestly think that your precious gun was the only apparatus to utilize our patented Aperture Science Gravity Compromiser Beam now, did you?"_  
"Shut up, will ya?" Eddy spat. "If it's a game of keepaway you want, then darnit, you stupid piece of girly metal, it's a game of keepaway you're gonna-"  
"Uh, Eddy," Edd muttered as he jabbed his friend with an elbow, "Ed's already on it."

The large boy had already set up a portal on the floor and the other high up on the wall, facing the core. Ed gleefully jumped through, but as he reached out for the core in the air, he came short and landed back on the floor on his face.

"Oh for the love of god," Eddy exclaimed. "How the heck are we gonna get that?"  
"It's quite simple, Eddy," Edd explained. "Ed, when you jump through the blue portal on the floor, place another one below you."  
"You got it, Double-D!"

Following his friends advice, Ed jumped into the portal again. Falling short of the core a second time, he quickly shot below him, moving the portal to where he was about to land. He went through, and rocketed out of the wall with more momentum than before. He reached out to catch the core, but it moved out of the way.

_"Oh, the ways I could kill you three,_" GLaDOS mused. "_Of course, I'm feeling generous right now, so I'll let the neurotoxin do it. If you weren't so pressed for time right now, and, you know, trying to kill me, I could have much more fun without that Morality Core you destroyed. Nice job with that, by the way."_  
"Oh for the last time, SHUT UP!" Eddy gracelessly threw his Portal Gun at GLaDOS's body, causing an unexpected "_Ow!_" from her.  
"_I think you should know that I hate you three._"

* * *

Kevin felt his foot sting as he kicked open the next door. He burst into the room, but his excitement quickly died down. The telltale signs of a window taking up a large portion of the back wall accompanied by a few abandoned desks were all it took to make him groan.

"Another observation room. Where _are_ they?" he asked impatiently.  
"Chill out, dude," Nazz said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure they're around here somewhere."  
"Come! Rolf thinks this next door is the one with the Ed-boys, yes, no?"

Rolf stood before the final door of the hallway. Opening it, he and the rest of the kids gasped. Beyond was an iron catwalk, suspended over a pit so deep that darkness enshrouded it before the kids could see the bottom. The room extended above them just as high, to the point where a faint, blue mist enshrouded anything too far away.

"Wowee! Hey guys, Plank bets if you fell to the bottom and looked up, you could see stars in the middle of the day!" Jonny exclaimed.  
"N-no way, nuh-uh," Jimmy stammered, backing up a few steps. "I am _not_ going in there!"  
"It's okay, Jimmy," Sarah reassured, "I'm scared too, but we gotta keep moving."  
"She's right," Kevin said. "Eds or no Eds, there's gotta be _something_ through here."

The catwalk was long, and it shook with each step the kids took. Though the mist that blocked sight from the far edges of the cavernous room, they saw an enormous cylinder emerge. The catwalk led straight to it, where a small, semi-open door waited. Hurrying inside to step off the treacherous walkway, the children recognized it as another observation room. This one as a bit different, however; the window was covered up with what appeared to be a metal casing, and there were several monitors hung up above. Embedded in the desk was a large, red button.

"Ooh, a button, Plank!" Jonny exclaimed. "Can we press it?"  
"I dunno," Kevin warned, "it looks kinda suspicious."  
"Do you think it could be a trap or something?" Sarah asked.  
"I don't think so," Nazz said, edging toward it. "Why would the people here just put giant buttons in their desks? If it was some kind of trap, then someone probably would've set their coffee onto it by accident or something like that. It doesn't even have a glass case to protect it or anything."  
"C-can I press it? If it's safe that is?" Jimmy asked, eyeing the button.  
"Knock yourself out, Fluffy," Kevin answered.  
"Aw, Plank and I had dibs!" Jonny complained. Jimmy shied away from it, but he said, "No, you can press it. But I call the next one!"

Jimmy pressed the button, the metal plating concealing the window rose up. The kids gave a collective gasp as they saw GLaDOS's chamber from high on the wall, and the three Eds below. The room was tinted a faint green as a strange gas flowed out of vents from above.

"It's the dorks!"  
"Plank says we gotta get in there! They're in trouble!" Jonny shouted.  
"What was your first clue?"  
"HIIIIYAA!"

Kevin gave a graceless "GAH!" and dove to the floor just as Nazz gave a flying sidekick to the window. Her foot struck it hard, and the glass shattered as she jumped back from it.

"Sorry dude," she said, helping Kevin up, "but that was the only way we could break the glass."  
"A little heads up would be nice ya know."  
"I said I was sorry."  
"Will you two give it a break?" Sarah asked. "My idiot brother's down there!"  
"She's right," Kevin agreed. He took a step forward, but stopped right at the edge of the window. GLaDOS was still talking to the Eds, and didn't seem to notice him.  
"Will ya shut up and give us that stupid core already?" Eddy shouted. Kevin took a step back as he saw a hole appear on the wall near him. Ed came rocketing out of it toward a strange, spherical device suspended in midair, but it shifted just before the boy could reach it. It moved closer to the window, and Kevin could almost grab it.  
"Quickly, Kevin-boy," Rolf whispered. "While the metal beldam is distracted."

Kevin opened his mouth to protest, but felt Rolf's hand push him forward. Gasping, he flailed his arms around for balance, only for them to grab onto the core as he fell forward.

"_What the?_"

The tractor beam gave out with Kevin's weight, and he fell down.

"Hold on, Kevin!" Edd shouted. Thinking quickly, he placed a portal on the floor underneath the falling boy and the other one right next to it. Kevin screamed as he fell through it and rocketed back upward before falling back down again.  
"Ed, catch!"

Ed obediently ran up and caught the boy as he fell back down.

"Shovel-Chin? What're you doing here?" Eddy asked.  
"I should ask you the same thing, dorky."  
"Ask sockhead then, he's the one who came here in the first place."  
"I'm regretting it already," Edd added. "Quickly, Kevin! Run over to that incinerator with the core!"

Kevin gave a short "huh?" before looking at the thing in his hands. It looked like a robotic, red eye, and it growled and snarled at him. "Freaky," he said, as he kept it at arm's length. Seeing Eddy make his way to the room that opened the incinerator, Kevin ran and tossed the core into the red-hot funnel. GLaDOS shrieked in pain, and the room suddenly shook. The AI began to babble incoherently in a mechanically sped-up voice, and from above wires and cables began to snap.

The room shook again, more violently this time. It forced Sarah and Jonny, who were watching from the edge of the window, to lose their balance and fall. Ed quickly dove forward and caught them, earning a smile from his little sister.

"Come Jimmy and Go-Go-Nazz-girl, it isn't safe here!" Rolf picked up his friends and jumped down from the room, landing hard on the rumbling, concrete floor with hardly a flinch.  
"Quick, how do we get out of here?" Sarah asked.  
"That's what we've been trying to do for the past few hours!" Edd sputtered. The walls began to buckle, and the web of thick wires and steel supports above them began to crumble. A white, electrical light appeared above them, pulling everything nearby into itself as the room shook itself to pieces.  
"What's going on?" Jimmy screamed.  
"Plank says this was a bad idea!"  
"Hang on everyone!" Edd gripped his portal gun for dear life in one hand and a metal rod protruding from the broken floor in the other as he felt himself begin to rise off the ground. The other kids were pulled up as well, and flailed around for something to grab onto, but eventually everyone succumbed and flew into the light.

* * *

Blue. That was the first thing that registered in Edd's head as he groggily opened his eyes. His head lulled around, and he looked at where he was. He was outside-everyone was, lying among the remnants of the room as bits and pieces of what could only be parts of GLaDOS's body rained down around them. They were outside. They were _free._ Edd let out a voiceless laugh, and basked in the sunlight pouring on his face.

"_Thank you for assuming the party escort submission position."_

Like a chemical reaction, his joy dissolved into terror as he tried to deny the robotic voice he had just heard. His consciousness waned, as if his fear had sapped whatever strength he had left, and his vision began to go black. The last thing he felt was something tugging at his shirt, and the last thing he saw was his freedom slipping away a few feet at a time as something dragged him and his friends back into the depths of Aperture Science.


End file.
